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September 20, 2016

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Is This You? Midlife Crisis Exposed

January 9, 2016

Are you reaching midlife and worry if the best years of your life are behind you and there’s nothing to look forward to? That you are about to experience the irreversible decline in love, in health and your career?

 

You worry about your body. You remember yourself as you used to be.

You worry whether your husband or wife find you attractive.

You worry about your children, are you doing the best you can for them, being an inspiring role model.

You worry whether you have what it takes to step up in your career and be recognized and appreciated as you deserve.

 

You also have a complicated inner life, secret desires that go unvoiced and unfulfilled. You know that even though you lived without satisfaction for so long, you are about to explode. It is now or never!

 

But you feel embarrassed or even ashamed to rock the boat now, after everybody, your family, your kids, your friends had used to you the way you were all these years. You fear you might loose them if you try to open up, expose yourself, express your truth.

You’re also afraid of yourself. What if you fail? What if that nagging feeling, this desire to be more, be greater at everything, be a better lover, be so much better at your work, make things happen, command the Universe as I call it, is just a pipe dream, and it’s just not meant to be. What if that creative spark, an ever-growing force within you, is just a desperate attempt to escape your reality, be happy, make the difference, and it is way over-due. You fear it’s too late for you.

You look at the youngsters, even your own children, and give up hope forever, your hope to express what you truly are. You regret, you missed it, and so be it. Who needs it anyway? 

This is not just sad at this point, it is actually frustrating, depressing even. 

So you take out your anger and disappointment on everyone around you. You might be that horrible boss or that saboteur employee, or you just might feel really bitter about what other people had accomplished. You imagine that they must have better relationships, more money, they look fitter and happier. And you don’t celebrate your own achievements, even though you’ve done a lot, you lived through a lot. But somehow that doesn’t seem significant anymore. It is because of those hidden desires unfulfilled and abandoned don’t let you feel at peace. And as those desires are kept secret and unsatisfied, nothing and nobody else can satisfy you. And those people around you, whether you are aware of it or not, are paying the price for it too. They might feel like they are never enough. Not good enough for you. What a terrible feeling. If only you knew how you make them feel, you would stop immediately, if you could. But you can’t because that feeling of wanting more out of life, more that you already have, is not going away. Not without given a proper attention. Not without you trying, discovering what it is you want so badly and letting the world know. 

Self-expression at this point is more like a self-survival or self-preservation. And not just a self- survival, as it affects the people closest to you, your own children, your man or a woman, your business and your career. It creates difference in how people see you, if it’s going to be you who gets noticed and given a promotion, or would you be dismissed and forgotten again. Either way it is just the world reflecting back to you how you are dismissing or mistreating yourself. 

You are old and educated enough to know about projection. You already gathered that if your feel bored or misunderstood in your marriage, it is not his or her’s fault, you know you are probably dead bored with yourself and lost the last clue of who you really are. They don’t need to understand you. You need to understand and appreciate yourself. 

How can one do it?

By actually taking a look. Yes, by giving yourself the most urgently needed attention. 

By accepting themselves, by finding love and compassion for themselves, by healing the old wounds, by learning the art of living in open, with having a voice, mastering the art of being alive. 

 

And I know you can do it! How? Because this is what I do for a living for the last 20 + years. This is where my passion is: to teach you how to be fully expressed, be true to yourself on every level, emotional, intellectual, physical and spiritual, in every area of your life, in your relationships, in love and your intimate connection with your partner, in your body, your healthy radiant human body, through your ideas and projects, in everything you do, for others and for yourself.

Self-expression is the key to a great relationship, lasting exiting love-life, thriving career and outstanding health. 

Without it life is just a half life, and love is just a half love, and job is just a burden, something to pay your bills.

And you know how many people I had seen so worried about taking a real good look at themselves, thinking they might have to loose everything they ever known in life, their job, their partner. But it’s simply not true. At least majority of times. Believe me, you would know yourself if a real drastic action is in order. It all starts from within. And old wisdom, but so proven to be true. 

Remember projection? It is not him it is you. Instead of blaming and waiting for the world to change around you, go on and change the world. You are the world. 

Do you want your world to be beautiful, full of hope, energy, vitality, joy? Then let’s make it happen.

 

This is how I work.

Practical Creativity System. 

This system is proven to bring results to my clients.

Simplicity is the key.

The order is the key.

Attention and implementation is the key. 

 

4 levels of working with yourself, 4 modules, each unfolding in its own time, one after another, taking you deeper and deeper into yourself and out into the wide open space of possibilities and unlimited potential. 

 

1 Know yourself

2 Love yourself

3 Heal yourself

4 Express yourself.

 

You can apply this approach to any area of your life and use different tools to uncover your truth and your beauty. 

 

 

 

Here are the showcases, real life situations I worked with. Names are obviously changed, courtesy to my wonderful clients. 

 

Relationships and career: 

 

Hanna wants to start her business. She knows she’s good at what she’s doing, at least she was a few years back before she had her firstborn. Now after 27 unsuccessful interviews and given up hope to ever be employed, she thinks that her startup could be an answer to her restlessness and her longing to be somebody, somebody of importance. When she describes her deepest desire she admits she just wants her old Hanna back. But she really wants her back badly, she can’t sleep, she put on weight as she comfort eats, and she ignites argument with her husband almost every night after he comes back from work and whats to relax by himself. 

So we begin our work with putting emotions aside and getting a realty check. What does she really have in her life right now? What is she really missing? She misses the attention she got from her husband in days they barely saw each other due to late night projects, he really valued the time he had with her then. She misses her lean body, curves just in the right places. She misses the excitement of the city, she never imagined she will live in the suburbs. She misses feeling free and driven, head strong passionate about every project she worked on. She misses having her own money and spending it the way she wanted, never needing to refuse a trendy purse and a pair of sparkly heals to herself. She misses everything about being young, full of ideas and confidence that she CAN accomplish anything she sets her eyes on. She describes herself as a go-and-getter. As she is taking account of what she really is, what her life is, she talks about her little girl, who is about to start school, who is really a daddy’s girls. She says, I feel jealous sometimes watching them play. I have no one. I feel lonely, I need love. And then she hits her first realization: she associates her work with having attention, being admired, being in charge, turning heads, including her husband’s. This is what she really wants.

 

Next time we see each other we will talk about her and her need for love. A real, strong feeling that she lives with every day of her life. First she would need to forgive herself for wanting to be loved. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. She listens to the self acceptance guided meditation I prepared for her and daily she practices self love, following routine I set for her, that includes centering meditation, tapping (emotional freedom technique), connecting with her inner child and learning to take care of her emotional needs. This is something she never knew she had to do. Non of us had been ever taught how to give ourselves what we need. We genuinely thought our close family is there to do that for us. Well, that what kept her showing up as needy in every encounter she had with husband. She despised herself for that, as she knew she never wanted to be like her mother, who was still relying on her children to keep her emotionally fed and safe. 

After the weeks of work Hanna was ready to dive deeper and address those family connections, the beliefs and coping strategies she inherited from her parents and even grandparents. 

After realizing how deep the beliefs she thought of as her own went, and how strongly affected she was, and how easy it actually was to change her way of thinking about herself and her life, how meaningless really all those attachments were, she could come up with a rational explanation for her husband’s lack of interest in her new projects. She became really clear about her own hidden agendas in their relationship. She also recognized that she had been sabotaging him to express any loving feelings towards her since she became a home-stay mom. She, of course, believed that only an independent professional woman is worthy of love. That was what her mother had subconsciously taught her.

 

The next step for Hanna was to start thinking anew, what does she want now, she knows that her nagging desire to have a job had really come from her own love for her mother, for wanting to  fulfill her expectations. 

Well, Hanna used her imagination and her creative spark to create a new authentic dream for herself. Now, sure of her husband’s loyalty and love, and also not depending on him to provide her emotional security, she could do whatever she wanted. She chose to get a job in the city, but this time it was for fun, not out of desperation. And, as you can imagine, that really showed at the next three interviews she had, She had been offered a job after the whole three interviews, she choose the one that felt the most fun and convenient for her. She continued working on her self-love routine, which is something like a preventive treatment, needs to be done continuously. She reported to me later that her marriage had never been more alive and passionate. She feels happy and fulfilled even if not everything is up to her standards, She can joke now, she says, that she knows how to check who’s standards she’s really trying to satisfy. If they’re not her’s she doesn’t need to sweat about it. she, of course, sleeps better and goes to gym every day. Just for fun, she explains, not to get attention. 

So here you see, how Hanna step by step, went through the Practical Creativity program: she took time to know herself, then she learned to love herself as she was and feed her needs, then she addressed the past issues and healed some emotional pain she lived with, and only then she could start building up and get what she wanted. After doing the most need inner work getting what she wanted was easy. It looked like magic, though when we look at the facts, we know, that it’s only a common sense, we prefer to be with people who are happy and we are threatened by people in despair. 

We, of course, have our own reasons to be afraid, but that is a story for another day. 

 

Do you have a story? Do you feel like this is what you feel? Do you want to take action and turn things around, find your voice, express yourself, be alive, be in love with life you have and can have through showing up fully and authentically? Let's get on the phone and you can tell me all about it and I see if I can help. 

 

 

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