In my days of working in a special school in Estonia in my early twenties, right after graduating with my psychology and counseling degree, I had a chance to really work closely with the drop outs from the mainstream educational system kids. Half of them were dropouts due to criminal and antisocial behavior, teen pregnancies, and another half were the extra talented kids, musicians, athletes, ballet-dancers, chess-players, math-geeks-otherwise known as wonder-kids. I used that opportunity to continue my research on what makes anyone successful and discovered many things that those two groups had in common and also what were the main differences between them.
One of the major deteminators were the parents, of course.
Business Insider published an awesome article by Drake Baer and Rachel Gillet on 9 things parents of successful kids have in common. Here is what they established:
1. They teach their kids social skills.
2. They have high expectations.
3. The moms work.
4. They have a higher socioeconomic status.
5. They've attained higher educational levels.
6. They teach their kids math early on.
7. They develop a relationship with their kids.
8. They're less stressed.
9. They value effort over avoiding failure
I have to agree with that. Absolutely, it matters who your parents are, and as a parent you have every chance to influence your child's life-time success by being a great role model.
I especially liked the factor number 6: develop a relationship with their kids. This can be one of the most challenging things to do while attending to your own career and needs. This is also something I like to work on with my clients, working moms or professional women thinking about starting a family and worrying about a prospect of being a great parent.
My first 3 tips for them would be here:
1. Focus on feeling happy.
Once you are generally happy and in touch with yourself it is just so much easier to see and understand another human being in your soulful and physical care. Your child is another human being and is also a mature soul. Having this perspective takes pressure off you being a substitute for everything in that soul's life. You only meant to be a mother.
2. Give yourself time to explore your child, really observe what this soul came to this world with. Who is this amazing beautiful creature that is looking at you with such love and admiration.
3. Forgive yourself the imperfections of your own parenting style. It is okay to be what you are. You are doing your best, we all know that. That best is really GOOD enough. As you are in a process of being a mother you can grow and adjust with your child. Treat this process as a journey of two equally wise souls.
This is not all there is to know about soulful parenting, of course. If you have any questions or want to address some personal parenting issues, please, feel free to contact me and take advantage of a complimentary get acquainted call with me.
Let's continue the conversation!