First of all I want to tell you, I feel for you and I am sorry you had gone through all you had to go through. It’s not easy to live with your kind of baggage for so long. It feels like everything life has to offer doesn’t belong to you. Like when you smile you cannot trust yourself. Can anyone be ever happy after what happened to you? You wonder about other people and their smiles and their laughter, and you are scared to admit your fears to anyone. You even learned some techniques to hide it away from your closest friends, family and even from yourself. For ages you had pretended to be strong, unbreakable and whole.
Unfortunately, this feeling of incongruence is eating you from the inside. You had enough of faking it. You want to be real. You want to be valued. And be validated for all you had to suffer. I understand. And what I tell you next might just give you a relief you are looking for.
You are on the right track. Being real is important. It is particularly important when you want to move forward in your life.
Some things just need extra amount of energy. Didn’t Einstein said: “Problems cannot be solved with the same mind set that created them?” The same way, with the energy that we have now we cannot achieve greater things. We have to generate a different amount and different kind of quality of vibration, really, be bigger and stronger than we are generating now.
So how can you feel bigger and stronger so you CAN move on?
Well, one of the ways is to grow spiritually, understand and accept the real wholeness of you. That same wholeness you were never allowed to experience, because you had suffered and tried to exclude that suffering from your psyche, like something shameful and unnatural.
I am speaking from experience, my own past sorrow and pain. Just like you, I had to learn things in my life the hard way. One of the most profound things I learned was about life.
LIFE INCLUDES EVERYTHING!
Common sense, right? We all had seen it. I mean, you can take a happiest person on the planet and ask them about their life and, yes, they will tell you about their ups and downs. And we can accept that. Yet, somehow when we think about our own life and our own troubles, we, for some reason, think, something must be wrong with us.
There is nothing wrong with you. You just had been a victim. It is all right to say it.
It is healthy to say it.
I know, I know, you’ve heard it everywhere, ‘fight your victim attitude’, ‘be strong’, ‘stop being a cry-baby’, take responsibility. Responsibility for what?
Let’s make it clear: the only responsibility you need to accept is for your present. And another good news is, you can do it because you can be sure that it is the way forward and that you can do it.
Psychologically speaking, we only let ourselves go as far as we know we can reach. When we are sure, there is a cure for us, we will take action to feel better. And until we are absolutely sure we can be cured, we would just sit it out and wait on it. Suffering what we know is better than the unknown ‘trying to let go’ process, especially without any guaranty of ever feeling better.
So here is what you can do for yourself:
1 Stop pretending that life must be this perfect thing you never had a chance to live. You ARE living your life. And life includes everything. Unfortunately, you had been a victim and you had suffered. I am sorry.
2 Learn to move forward even though you had suffered. By ‘learn’, I mean, literally educate yourself about productivity, motivation, inspired action taking.
3 Gain extra energy. Start exercising, eat healthy, sleep on time. Like your life depend on it. Because it does. Unless you want to be in the same boat for the rest of your life, you need to up level yourself. And that brings us to the next step.
4 Grow spiritually, become bigger and stronger through exercising faith. By faith, I mean, start believing in yourself. Accept that believing is a process, a practice, not just an end result. It is also doable. Through a daily practice one can achieve a high and steady level of faith, plenty to be happy despite the wounds and troubles of the past. My only recommendation is to keep away from any practice that keeps you detached from yourself. You are looking for connection, extra energy to take real action in your life, not an escape from reality and a substitute for a broken heart.
You can always write to me personally and I can recommend you the exact spiritual exercises that would be suitable for you.
5 Accept beauty in yourself and the world around you. Start noticing other people, their stories. Start a gratitude journal. Yes, admit you had your good days, and there’s more to come.
6 Create your vision. What does your future hold for you? Do you like it? Would you want to change it? What do you really want in your life? Take time to explore yourself. I am talking, you right now. I know, the natural tendency is to perceive ourselves as unable, as ‘frozen’ in response to the trauma, but with all the extra energy you will generate, and by being bigger and stronger through your spiritual practice, you won’t have to settle for that ‘old you’. You will know, that YOU CAN achieve all that you can envision.
7 And, of course, keep taking action. I don’t care how small it is, it all matters. That what differentiates you from the victim, you, unfortunately, had been. You are just SO MUCH STRONGER now. And you are MOVING FORWARD.
There is so much more to talk about in a context of ‘letting go’ and ‘past wounds’, but I hope those 7 steps will give you the direction and focus for your healing for now.
In my THE PATH TO LOVE system we address each of those steps and embrace the healing process to feel empowered and capable of not just moving forward, but creating what we thought impossible for ourselves, a long-lasting inner peace and happiness.
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Lira Kay an author, life coach and a founder of She's Got Passion and the School of Inspired Life a training center for purpose-driven professionals to find information and inspiration to stay on their mission to create a meaningful change in the world. Every Wednesday Lira answers one question she 's been asked by a member of her audience around the globe. If you have a question, please, go to CONTACT and send Lira your question. She will create a post to answer it or will send you a personal answer in the email. Know, that your question will help many others to find clarity and motivation. We are all connected and your input is important. Thank you.
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